grace, discipline, and my utter incompetency.

This fall, I'll be involved in a Bible study with a few other girls with young kids. Our focus to start out with will be a book by Elyse Fitzpatrick called Give Them Grace: dazzling your kids with the love of Jesus.

I started a first read-through of the book last week, and -only 1 1/2 chapters in- it's already provoking some thought and conversation on how Cal and I want to raise Parks with our fervent hope for his future salvation in mind.

First and foremost, I should admit that I am a Grace girl, wholeheartedly, in the always-present Grace vs Law debate. I haven't always been this way, but I admit that those sneaky Reformers broke through a pretty tough self-righteous barrier back in my late college/graduate school days and created a life-long, acknowedged, horrible sinner who is saved solely by Christ's righteousness. In other words... me.

I am aware that nothing I can do (or not do) can bring about my salvation, NOR cause God to look upon me with any more or less favor than He already does. Because I am one of His, He doesn't see my sinfulness; He sees, instead, Christ's absolutely spotless record in its place. And because of Christ's record --not mine, thank goodness-- I am saved from the judgement of eternal damnation that I would face otherwise. Without it, it wouldn't matter whether I committed mass murder or merely had a selfishly grumpy attitude when Cal wanted to go play tennis: either way, I'd be doomed to the exact same Death after my time on earth was done. There are no degrees of salvation (or damnation) to match up with how good (or bad) one is in his or her lifetime. Not one of us is or can ever be perfect, so we would all spend eternity in Hell if He left us alone. But He didn't! What good news!

The danger in this Grace stuff, of course, is that it can be misused and taken for granted. What? you say. God doesn't see our sin if we have Christ's righteousness? So... I can sin all I want to, right? Well, no. Ideally, those with truly reformed hearts will grasp the fullness of grace that God has given them and, in response, strive to live a life that is pleasing to Him. They won't be able to do it for as long as a full day, or hour, or MINUTE, even, in some cases. But they will want to. And they will be saddened by their inability. And God's Holy Spirit will work in them, transforming them into people who are less and less a slave to their own sins and more and more a mirror of Christ's perfection. Will we reach that perfection here on earth? No. Definitely not. But what a worthy goal!

So now the dilemma of the moment. How should this gospel message affect the way that I raise my kids?

In the small bit of the book that I've read thus far, I've gathered that Fitzpatrick is advising parents who want their children to really understand and appreciate God's grace to be cautious about teaching kids to obey merely for the sake of obeying. I was raised in a really strict environment, and my sisters and I all turned out pretty okay. We were obedient (for the most part), respectful (for the most part), and successful (for the most part). But was I obedient, respectful, and successful as a fruit of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit? Or was I obedient, respectful, and successful because I was afraid I'd be spanked or restricted from watching Full House and Growing Pains on a Wednesday night? You see? That's the tricky question.

I don't want Parks to be "good" because of fear of punishment. I can teach him to behave in certain, acceptable ways, and I can praise him when he shows that he's learned (or discipline him when he doesn't), but -as the primary model of God's authority in his life- what does that teach him about God? Mommy loves me when I obey but gets mad when I don't... so naturally God is the same way? God will find favor in me when I do all the right things and will let me into heaven, but if I am bad he will send me to Hell as punishment? And THAT, folks, is not the Gospel. THAT is legalism. THAT is a road that leads straight to Death.

No, I am not saying that I won't discipline Parks, or that I won't correct him when he is being wayward or bratty or petulant. Because -trust me- I will. What I am saying is that I don't know how to find a balance. How to help him be obedient, respectful, and successful in the meantime, while I'm faithfully waiting for God to regenerate him and transform his heart, without teaching him legalism or giving him a false sense of self-righteousness and security in his own good behavior. Without his immature mind translating my discipline into "Mommy loves me when I'm good and doesn't when I'm bad," and from that conclusion, even worse: "God loves me when I'm good and doesn't when I'm bad."

Anyway, I'm hoping Fitzpatrick will have some answers. Or... some of you readers out there will. Because, let's face it. I sure don't.